An open letter: Teens and Family

How many times in a day does your teen yell "you don't get me, you just don't know me. Leave me alone!" ?
You'd say "If I had a nickel..." Well we agree your teen is not the best communicator when they spill out of spite instead of just being mature about it. You will also agree that you don't recognize your once-upon-a-time sweet kid anymore. To get things sorted, here is an open letter from teenagers to all parents out there.

Dear Mom and Dad,
 I'm changing. I can't quite yet point to what exactly in me is changing but things seem different now. I know you are busy with your work and I'm adding to the list of things you have to deal with everyday but, I don't mean to do that. Last night when I showed you attitude when you asked me to pick up after myself you must be wondering why is this a problem now all of a sudden? It actually isn't but my reaction was due to that bully in school I was thinking about.
When I ignored your missed calls it's not because I'm embarrassed of you but because I didn't want to be ridiculed in front of my friends. When I had agreed to clean my room and later on disagreed to that agreement ever happening was because I forgot about it amidst the school politics. The other day when you lovingly gave me a goodnight kiss and I shooed you away was because I sometimes feel smothered. I need you to understand that I'm not a little kid anymore. I'll always remain your little child but that person for me is the past. I feel the need to be treated as an equal. I want you to understand that I can take responsibility, even if I fail to showcase it. I need you to trust me and, most of all
 I need you. 

I need you to pick me up because I know I'll fall. My mood swings seem to be out of my control, my friends change everyday. My recklessness gets me into wrong places so I need you. I need you to bring me back. I need you to listen to me when I speak. Things might seem dramatic but please give me a chance to ask for your opinion instead of yelling them at me always. I need you not only to be my friend but also to be my mentor for I know nobody else will have unselfish guidance for me like you do. You might not like the change in me but please accept me as I am because I'm already fighting with the world around me, trying to fit in. I just wish I wouldn't have to do that with you. Try to see the good in me; I need your motivation because I'm already struggling with self confidence.  Don't be so strict neither do I want you to be too lax because your rules are some of the things that help me establish my boundaries. If you catch me doing something wrong, don't freak out because I'm probably doing that because I'm freaked out myself. Help me distinguish the right from the wrong. Although it seems like I don't want to spend time with you,deep down I do. I just need to see that understanding in you. That assurance which will make me believe that you're always there even when everyone else leaves.
I'm sorry for hurting you all those times when I was unable to tell you all this. Hope this helps convey that I need you and I love you. I love you because I know friends come and go but family; family stays.

With love,
Your Teenager

Attention Please part 03

We discussed types of Attention Seeking in the previous post. For those of you who don't know this, excessive attention seeking can be carried forth/ evolved in adults too. How?

Brains  wired to equate lack of attention as dangerous, naturally respond to it as threat in the amygdala, a subcortical structure, where thinking does not occur. Now the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is like a micromanaging mother, “don’t do this, do that, stop that, go here, don’t go there” can intervene in this, if given the opportunity.[Ref: psychology today]

In simpler words, one doesn't think when it comes to seeking attention. Things, people and situations just become means to an end.

Since the first discussion of this topic we have told you that attention seeking mainly occurs due to lack of self esteem/ self worthiness.

How to deal with Attention Seeking? 
Well, the basics are, listen.You will tell me that the teenagers don't talk except for ,"just leave me alone." Well, I won't deny that. But that's because at some point they feel you might not lend them a careful, understanding ear like their friends-drowing-in-the-same-boat will do. They feel they might come across as silly and you won't get it. Sometimes, it is even difficult to accept the lack of self esteem let alone admitting to it. So, encourage your teenager to talk.
Be their friend. Listen to them like you listen to news/gossip. 
Secondly, Encourage them.  Encourage them to be themselves. Deny as much as you may but in this world of the Kardashians and at the same time Malala, it's easy to lose self identity. Teenagers are busy trying to "fit in." Encourage them to "stand out" if that means to be true to their ideals and values. Tell them it's not silly of them for writing a journal. Anne Frank did that and look what it gave us. Don't lecture, don't be a snooze. Let them drop a rap to vent it out but accept the changes and guide them. Thirdly, Don't compare. They might not be the best. They are having their own little struggles, you have been there too but it was different then, it's different now. Don't compare them to their friends, neighbor's children, cousins, siblings and for god sakes not to "when I was your age." Trust me, I know you mean well but it doesn't send that message across but creates hatred and then they start 'blowing you off.' Accept that it's all different for them and they need you, their attention seeking screams they need you to be there and hold them like never before. So be there as a ear, as a friend and secretly as a parent. 

Write to us in the comments or on our facebook page https://www.facebook.com/WhatTeenagersWantYouToKnow/ about the changes you see and share your experience. Open to both adults and teenagers. Until then, stay tuned for the upcoming drama worthy topics like...Relationships.

Attention Please part 02

In the last post we addressed the Why's of attention seeking. To sum it up, the underlying impression is lack of self esteem/ confidence. Now this is the fun albeit humiliating part;
TYPES OF ATTENTION SEEKERS

•  Type 1: The Bechara (Sufferer) 

  

  oh, they make you.

  These people fake illness to receive the annoying "GWS" messages, flowers, bonus leaves, extra attention of 'oh, I'll lift your bag. You already have too much baggage.' Yeah, I bet they do and you hon' just lifted 'em up. The most basic one to lookout for is, faking death of someone and the most extreme is to injure themselves. 
•  Type 2: The Superman (Saviour in Tin Foil)

  

  Yeah right!

  These evil "geniuses" are the ones who create the problem and then come as a savior to and solve it out for you to always remind you how they are the "good guys." Why? just for pure bliss of praises and acclaims and oh yes, the problem will be that great for you to thank them so much so watch out and better thank them. 

•  Type 3: The Boss 

  

  You the only one in the race

  These ones purposely create a certain situation where they become the "go-to" person and then they get to help you and take charge of the whole scenario. Just like what happened with Phoebe after she fired Monica as her wedding planner and ultimately had to go back to the boss. This is a mellow level of the 'superman', so even they do it for the glory of their greatness. Doesn't harm much. Look for this person the next time you want your assignments done *wink*. 

• Type 4: Double Dholki (Two faced)

  

  I was there bro!

  The name says it all. They act in a certain manner with some and in a different one with others to gain favors (hidden: attention) from both sides. They also act as a victim to one to gain support from the other just to get attention on themselves and cause a riot, for attention sakes purely. Downplayed but dangerous so, watch out. 

• Type 5: Drama Royalty

  

  Please strike. Now!

  They use drama as a drug. Don't get me wrong but this goes for guys as well hence the 'Royalty'. Drama secretes endorphins, which are the pain-suppressing and pleasure-inducing compounds, which heroin and other opiates mimic. Hence, drama eases the anxiety of wanting more attention than you are getting. (Referred from Psychology today) Since the mechanism of drugs and drama is same, its easy to get addicted to that kind of attention. Bigger the crisis, bigger the thrill. 

• Type 6: The Victim

  

  Please.

  They create crisis to gain following. Its like pity has company and they seek that company. This also includes faking being a victim by bursting into tears at the smallest of situations. They pretend to be the victim of physical, sexual, mental or emotional abuse to get a lot of attention from authorities and loved ones.  These people also either, uses online chat rooms and social media feeds or real life social situations to create acts of harassment against them to gain that sort of attention. This can get quite dangerous since you might not know when these mind games go beyond attention seeking to self injury. If you know of someone like that, try to get the facts straight and get help. 

That's all for this part. If you or anyone you know fall in any of these categories, stay tuned as in the upcoming part we will discuss how to tackle excessive attention seeking.
 That will be the last part of this section including a message to all the elders out there from the teenagers dealing with attention seeking. Adios, and stay healthy.  

Attention Please part 01

Know why does this happen to you.

 In the crowd of voices, have yours ever felt mute?
Okay, let's not say a crowd but even in say...a living room with five people; fifth one being 'INDIA WANTS TO KNOW.' That's happened to an awful lot lot of us and it's normal to raise our voice beyond socially accepted levels of decency or wait for the blessings of commercials.
But, imagine, this happening to you every other day wherever you go. In the bus, the trains, (I'll excuse you for that one), among your friends, at home. How traumatic does that become? To be honest, it does affect the mental health at a very large scale. At the same time, too much of "your voice" isn't good either. So, let's address the topic of:
WHY DO TEENAGERS TRY TO CRAVE ATTENTION?
 We as human beings are social animals. That being said, we thrive off of attention i.e. without giving or receiving attention none of our social activities will take place, this includes that post you just "liked" on facebook randomly.
This doesn't mean that every individual can fit in easily in all social settings. This is why there are groups and even in those each member has their own range of attention seeking. You see, attention-seeking stems for many reasons and one of the basic rule is an underlying low self esteem. Attention acts as a booster. So its natural that all teenagers and even adults need attention or as we term "recognition" at some point in their everyday lives. It becomes an issue when there's an excess of it. Do you see that girl who answers wrong even with confidence? She is normal.
Do you see the one who is flustered when asked a question in a classroom and knows the right answers too but makes a huge fuss? Attention seeker.
 Other Reasons for Attention Seeking:

• Worry/Anxiety: This is the 'do you think I'm not good enough' or 'tell me is this right or wrong?' complex. Basically a cause of drama which is boosted by attention. 
•  Jealousy: This happens when they feel threatened by someone else who seems to be taking up all the attention. This could be siblings, cousins, nina's new haircut or the new hot girl. 
• Lack of Self Worth: This is the feeling of being overlooked. Being overlooked by friends, by family, or by boyfriends/girlfriends.

 Inattentive or Abusive parents is another important cause of attention seeking behavior not only in teens but also something carried by adults.

Now, enough 'gyan' (lookup phokat knowlege) is given about the why's of attention seeking teens/adults. In the next part, we will tell you about the types of attention seekers (locate how normal are you and your friends), and what happens if this issue is not addressed.

Until then, stay tuned and drop in reviews in the comment section. Stay healthy and happy reading.